The following is a guest post from Steve Knight. Check-out his blog: Knightopia.com.
Although conventional wisdom tells us that there are more suicides around the major holidays, the actual statistics do not bear this out. In fact, some studies seem to indicate that the Christmas holiday has a "suppressing" effect, resulting in fewer suicide deaths.
Still the fact remains that 3.7 percent of the adult population (or 8.3 million adults) had serious thoughts of suicide in the past year. I'm thinking about this right now, because I'm mourning the death of a friend, Gideon Addington, who took his own life on December 12.
Gideon was a special friend, in the sense that he was an online friend. We had never met in person. Many of us only knew him through Facebook and Twitter (@gideony). I found about his death via Twitter, and I celebrated his life with others through a memorial service on Twitter (#tworship) on December 18. As one "Internet friend" of Gideon's wrote on their blog, "Social media and online relationships have limits—clearly, none of us knew the depths of Gideon’s despair. But we wouldn’t have known him at all, so many of us, without Twitter, Facebook, blogging, Skype, and the rest."
As I think of Gideon and the online interaction and email exchanges he and I shared, I wonder if the friendship and relationship Gideon needed—which could not be met through social media—could have (and should have) been met through real-life community. Maybe this is too much to expect. Maybe no amount of friendship/encouragement could've cut through whatever depression and trouble he was facing.
Regardless, Gideon's suicide has prompted me to reach out to those I know in real life (IRL) who may be struggling or have struggled in the past with depression, to let them know I am a safe person, someone who cares about them. I want to encourage you to do the same thing—reach out and let your real-life friends (and your online friends) know that you care about them.
This tragedy with Gideon has also given me a new appreciation for the work of Jamie Tworkowski and To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA). TWLOHA started in 2006 to help one person get help for depression and addiction. It's grown into a worldwide movement to raise awareness of depression and suicide and the lives that are affected by these things. TWLOHA was recently featured in Rolling Stone magazine, and the organization was just awarded a $25,000 grant through the Chase Community Giving program on Facebook, with a chance to win the top prize of $1 million.
As 2010 begins, you might want to remember those you've lost to suicide and consider supporting TWLOHA or organizations like it. What can you do to reach out to those who are hurting? What can your faith community do? I hope you'll reach out and embrace those who are broken this year.
Lovely post, Steve. Thanks for doing this… and thanks for posting it, Jesse!
Comment by Amy Moffitt - Jan 06, 2010 @ 03:16 PM
Thanks for this post Steve. I followed Gideon on twitter and exchanged an email or two with him regarding an online bible study and was shocked and saddened to learn about his depression and death. Since I had little interaction with him and only online I was very surprised at the impact this has had on me - for me it has confirmed that there is something very real about these online connections that we make. Like many others I have wondered if it would have been different if the online connections would have been F2F instead. My inclination is to say “yes, it would have been different” but then I think back to when one of my peers who succeeded in taking her life and everyone was shocked when it happened (she was cute, well liked and had a loving family but she struggled with depression) and to my uncle who took his own life after living with an illness for quite a while even though he had loving family with him on a daily basis. IMO those two had people they could have reached out to - people who loved them and cared about them - people who were safe - but it didn’t change things for them. However, I do believe that my connection with someone, somewhere at some time has probably made a difference - perhaps saved a life. So, I don’t have good answers for why or what if, but for me the answer to “what now” is that I will continue to connect to others F2F and online because you never know when showing up and being there might be enough.
Comment by Liz - Jan 07, 2010 @ 03:46 PM
10 years ago I was Gideon and except for someone reaching out beyond cyber space my end would have been the same. that’s not to say that “cyber community” is not valid but we need to define the term “community”. What we must do is to never substitute one form for another. Too often my ‘online relationships’ are hsalloow and superficial. i have learned, where possible to go beyond the convenience of cyberspace and cultivate F2F relationships.
it was as a result of online communication that Nancy reached out to me and journeyed 1000 miles to meet me F2F. We just celebrated our 10th anniversary and I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if we had just remained cyber pen pals. Would AI have taken the ‘same way out” of my pain?”
She saved my life!
through cyber space I have made other F2F friends, one of whom is Steve Knight. I’m glad we too went beyond a convenient pen pal relationship. My life has been enriched.
Through cyber space I found realrelationships and most of all my companion and love of my life. I have discovered community in its many forms,
blessings
Comment by George Dunn - Jan 09, 2010 @ 09:30 AM