What is the proper Christian response to a roommate who is stealing from you?
What if you and your other roommates confront him and he continues to lie about it?
What if he finally admits it - do you press charges? or just ask for the stuff back? Or completely forgive him altogether?
This happened to me last night.
Over the last couple weeks our house of 6 guys has been having stuff stolen from the house - totalling: 1 xbox, 2 laptops & $420. We found some of it under his bed, and still he denied it. Finally, when we threatened to call the cops, he confessed and said he’d get our stuff back.
It was ugly! Hopefully we’re all still saved after last night.
I’m still wondering, after last night, - as a Christian - should I just let him keep my laptop? He works at Taco Bell, and couldn’t pay rent this month (his first month with us) - but he drives a newish Lincoln Something, and has some expensive stuff.
Also, should we press charges? I don’t want to, none of us do. But I kept thinking about that verse where God says he doesn’t like when the innocent are punished and the guilty acquitted. (although he acquitted me, right?)
Have you ever faced this situation? What do you think?
Honestly, I think you should lay charges. It’s best that he learns now then after he’s hurt someone else more violently…
Maybe get the cops to work with you by making him do 100 hours or so of community service. That way he won’t get a criminal record. But if he doesn’t do the time, then he gets one…
that’s what I would do…
My response in all honesty would be out of love not revenge… above all, make sure he knows the reasons behind your decisions and that you and the others love him like Christ loves him…
Comment by Jason - Jan 19, 2009 @ 10:17 AM
Check out 1 Corinthians 6. Is he a believer? I definitely wouldn’t press charges, but would possibly threaten to kick him out of the house. This might do him good. You could help him get his priorities straight and get him to pay his bills. I would definitely make him give my stuff back though.
Comment by Taylor Lyall - Jan 19, 2009 @ 10:19 AM
I say get your stuff but don’t press charges. I’m reminded of when Paul told the Corinthians about airing out there grievances in front of the outsiders in their courts for them to judge our issues.
Get your stuff back and kick him out the house. I know I would.
Comment by Steve Patton - Jan 19, 2009 @ 10:22 AM
There is a much bigger underlying issue than what we can read in your story.
If God doesn’t have your roommates treasure, He doesn’t fully have his heart.
So love your friend and honor God by helping him get his finances in order.
Check out Perry Noble’s financial advice for NewSpring:
http://www.perrynoble.com/2009/01/19/is-the-economy-freaking-you-out/
Or get him connected to Dave Ramsey’s resources like Financial Peace University:
http://www.daveramsey.com/
Comment by Kyle - Jan 19, 2009 @ 11:34 AM
Every crisis has opportunity embedded in it. Not sure where it is in this scenario. There’s always a story behind the story. What’s his story? That might be a good approach.
Something lays beneath his tendencies and actions. He’ll keep repeating the same story lines until he discovers the real forces in his head and heart. Could God be using the five of you to help him discover who he is, who he is not, and perhaps help him begin the journey of real freedom? You’ll have to determine that one too.
My natural tendency would be to lay the hammer on him. To teach him that “All actions have consequences.” And they do. But a casual look at our criminal system indicates that laying the hammer on a guy will not necessarily keep him from doing it again. It’s just not that simple in my opinion.
The questions I ask:
*Is the guy a sincere follower of Jesus?
*Is the guy fully remorseful, regretful, repentant about being caught? If not, then that would steer me down another path than if I thought he was.
Bottom-line: What does God think you should do in this scenario? Don’t know. You’ll have to ask Him.
Comment by Pete Richardson - Jan 19, 2009 @ 11:43 AM
Thanks for the comments everyone. It’s hard to deal with this situation.
We’re not going to press charges.
the hardest part of this is to do as every one of you have said, actually - that’s to talk to him about what he’s done, love on him, and see if you help him.
This is hard because he’s untrustworthy. Honestly, I’ve only talked to him (or seen him) twice - once when he first moved in, and then the other night when we confronted him - We have opposite schedules, he’s never around the house when I am.
He denied that he stole for several minutes, so he seems hard and willing to lie even when it’s ridiculous. I can’t trust him. He told us his daughter was in the hospital that night, then he switched to say that she died a few days ago.
Anyway. It’s difficult to get close to him, love him and help him - but that’s what I need to do! so hard. Not because I’m angry with him - I’m not, I pity him, but b/c he’s untrustworthy.
Thank you all for your advice!!!
Pete: I don’t think he’s a sincere follower of Christ. Not sure if he’s fully remorseful.
Comment by Jesse Phillips - Jan 20, 2009 @ 03:48 PM
It’s tough when the remorse and sorrow doesn’t cut deep to the core. Hard to change without that reality. Sounds like boundaries need to be clear on consequences—if you are inclined to keep him in the house. Might be too late for that. I don’t think someone busts out of that kind of pattern until they can own all their issues, ask God and others for help, and learn to heal and change patterns that have mastered them for a long time. Not an easy road to travel. It may not be your role to play in his story.
Comment by Pete Richardson - Jan 20, 2009 @ 03:53 PM
awesome, thanks for the valuable advice, Pete.
Comment by Jesse Phillips - Jan 20, 2009 @ 04:49 PM