I believe that as we walk through life, we are on two journeys: the outer journey, which is defined by what is happening to us and what we do, and the inward journey, which is defined by what is happening in us. One of the challenges of living a great life is the skill of keeping these two journeys connected.
A recent trip to the Holy Land reminded me of how easy it is to walk through the outer journey of life while neglecting the inward journey. As part of an organized tour group, I got to explore most of the key Holy places with an expert. However, the pace of the tour often moved faster than I wanted. Instead of soaking up and connecting with the history of our faith, it felt like we were running through the sacred.
I don't know about you, but my life is often like this. In fact, I think the greatest danger for me is to have a new mark on my passport, without a new mark on the pages of my heart. Reflecting on this reality, I came upon a prayer prayed by Lady Julian of Norwich. She lived some 700 years ago and is credited with being the first woman to write a book in English. Her prayer has instructed me on my inward journey, and I trust it will for you as well:
"O God, please give me three wounds: the wound of contrition and the wound of compassion and the wound of longing after God. This I ask without condition."
Lady Julian's prayer reflects a fight to sustain an inward depth of connection with God. She seems to understand how, without intentional redirection, our spirituality can drift outwardly. She asks God to grant her inward faith. Julian's desire for "three wounds" is an expression of three qualities, or signs by which she could gauge the inwardness of her spirituality. So strong was her determination to experience these inward qualities that she literally asked God to grant them to her "without condition," meaning at all cost.
What if we embraced these three qualities with such passion? As the pace of life drives us to live outwardly, perhaps more than ever we need guideposts for our inward journeys. Peter writes that followers of Christ are "aliens and strangers in this world." In our day, if we are not careful to pursue the inward journey of faith, we will become aliens and strangers to our own souls. Let's look closer at each of these three expressions of inwardness and imagine what Lady Julian might have been thinking, and how we might apply them in our own lives.
1. The wound of contrition
This is the pain of sorrow for the sins she had committed. Lady Julian wanted to feel the weight of her sin, so much so that she asked God for it? at all cost! Curious, isn't it? She was asking for more than power to overcome her sins outwardly, more than repentance. She understood that if she did not mourn her sin inwardly she would begin to manage her sin outwardly. She understood her Adamic tendencies to hide from God and blame others and justify her sins instead of mourn over them.
The wound of contrition invites us to inwardly experience the weight of our own sin - to feel true guilt. It's as though Julian understood this was the path to inwardly experience the true grace of God. Julian's prayer reminds us that those who mourn are blessed because they are comforted. Those who refuse to mourn disqualify themselves from the comfort of God.
2. The wound of compassion
This is the experience of other people's suffering. Lady Julian asked God for more than the ability to help the poor, lonely, and suffering? she asked God to feel, to experience what they experience. She understood that helping those in need without hurting with them was insufficient.
The wound of compassion reminds us that only acts of service sourced in compassion are authentic. Compassion keeps us from developing an "us and them" mentality. It keeps us from serving others out of self-centered or prideful motives. Compassion frees us to serve other people as brothers and sisters, rather than as saviors.
3. The wound of longing after God
This is the ache for Eden - the affectionate longing for Him. I think Lady Julian understood the relationship between her inward affection with God and her capacity to do religious or outer activities. Reading Scripture was a tool in the hunt for more of Him, rather than an activity on her to-do list. Her prize? A greater experience with the presence of God.
The wound of longing after God reminds us that spirituality is more than a path to get as much out of this world as we can. Spirituality is more than religious activity or the accumulation of knowledge - it is a pursuit of the Divine, an internal affection for the Sacred Other who inhabits our souls.
This simple prayer from the pages of history has brought new intensity to my own inward journey, which is the source of renewed passion and energy in my outer journey as a pastor, father, friend, and follower of Christ. As you fight without condition for a deep and meaningful inner journey to guide and direct your outer journey, may God grant you the wounds of contrition, compassion, and longing after Him.