Men are fantastic! I'm very happily married to one; I'm a younger sister to some fantastic ones, an aunt to some fine young ones. I work with some great men and have done so for many years.
True, like many of us I've been wounded by a few men in my past, but the One who saved my soul has redeemed me, brought healing and restoration where needed, and forgiven me for those times when I've done the wounding with the men in my life. But for all these relationships, the good, the bad and the pretty amazing (hubby), I've still had to learn to navigate my way as a leader in environments that are predominantly male. . . .
In a culture that is simply not used to women leaders, women can be accidentally overlooked when we don't understand the implications of their lives outside their job are misunderstood. For example, leadership experts observe that male progression in leadership is generally much more lineal than for women. The seasons of their life may change-relationships, marriage, children-but they are able to retain their commitment and pace at work because of their support system at home, where their spouse takes on most of the domestic responsibilities. In both the workplace and the church, longer hours and the extra mile are not just endorsed; they are generally expected and seen as a mark of commitment and potential. The people who can step up to the plate like this are the ones to watch. These are the leaders of the future and should be invested in accordingly. However, for a woman, a new season of life means that her leadership path looks very different. A serious relationship, marriage, the birth of a child, more children or the needs of an aging parent can drastically redefine her life and the shape of her career. Extended periods away from work due to maternity leave can result in a crisis of confidence. A commitment to monitor the needs of family, sick children, school work, and transportation to activities means she has a number of priorities that can affect her job at any time. Thanks to her range of priorities, she may not be able to invest the extra hours, go the extra mile. Does it mean she is not as focused or committed as the men around her, and shouldn't be invested in? Does her life suggest that she does not have what it takes to step up to the next level of influence? The problem is, the culture may not understand that "what it takes" may not actually be about attitude or focus, but a support structure at home that frees you of any other demands on your time, energy and life.
Is there a way to navigate the culture of your working world? We're not going to be able to change a culture overnight, but here are some suggestions to help you navigate the world you lead in.
Spend a week observing your working environment. Watch how people relate with one another. Observe working relationships between men, between women and between men and women. Pay close attention to the relationships that work well! Observe how people thrive in that environment, socially and professionally. Pay attention in meetings; observe the preferred forms of communication, in emails, phone calls, face to face. Are there unspoken rules that everyone knows must comply with? Then look at how your behavior compares with what you observe. See if your observations provide any insights into how to grow professionally or suggest any skills worth developing in order to help you thrive. Do you need to work on your communication? Do you need to present yourself differently, build relationships differently? It would be a shame (for both your workplace and you) if you missed out on realizing your God-given leadership potential simply because it was lost in miscommunication or missed relational opportunities.
When our roles get complicated, it's important to be open about the differences and the difficulties women experience in leadership. We may already share this with other women, but do the men we work with know about it? We don't need to talk about it all the time, but they do need to know what it's like sometimes and how it affects us. Some things are said and done out of ignorance, and will be changed over time. We cannot expect to be automatically understood by the opposite sex, or to automatically understand. Is it ever fair to expect someone who's never walked in your shoes to understand the difficulties on your path? A man couldn't automatically understand what sexism toward women feels like, or know the frustrations of the glass ceiling, but for healthy discussions with women he works with it's important that we hear from one another, learn from one another.
I'm privileged to work alongside some very strong men, who respect and listen to my perspective and my occasional frustrations. But for a long time I didn't talk about things I experienced, because I didn't want to make excuses, I didn't want to feel emotional, I didn't want to make a big deal of the gender thing (or also, in my case, the racial issues that crop up occasionally)-I just wanted to do a good job in spite of these things. Eventually I realized that this approach was a mistake. Not only because things I'd encountered would fester within me until I reached a boiling point, but also because the reason I lacked the support of my male colleagues was that they didn't know what was happening. I've since learned to share my experiences. Not just the big things, but I simply talk about what it's like sometimes. I need to be open about the vulnerability I sometimes feel as a woman in leadership in the church. I've also learned to be open to hear when I've misinterpreted a comment or a situation, and to listen to a male perspective on it. Most of all I know that, as part of a team, I don't go through anything alone. A problem shared is a responsibility halved. I don't have to fix everything that isn't working for the female leaders I see around me. I am part of a team, so when something comes up we are all affected, and together we look for creative solutions. Share your stories even if it's stilted at first, even if it's hard work. Communication provides a context for understanding and awareness, and for getting the help you need to navigate the world you're in.