No More "Men VS. Women" in the Workplace

One of the high-impact but often unseen factors that today’s leaders deal with every day is the impact of gender dynamics in the workplace – and as we work toward raising up Christians as leaders in all sectors, navigating those factors well is especially important for women. 

Combining Strengths

Some of you may know me as a Wall-Street analyst-turned social researcher who has been digging into the eye-opening and vital inner thoughts and needs that men and women have but that the opposite sex wouldn’t otherwise know.  Although I started with the personal-relationship application of that research (for example, in my book For Women Only: What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men), I’ve also spent the last eight years investigating the fascinating and far-ranging workplace and leadership application of these factors.

Those findings were recently published in The Male Factor: The Unwritten Rules, Misperceptions, and Secret Beliefs of Men in the Workplace.  In interviews, focus groups, and three nationally-representative surveys, I guaranteed more than 3,000 men anonymity to tell all, so women could be equipped with knowledge that is mission-critical to effectiveness and influence with any male boss, colleague, ministry partner, subordinate or client.  While the book does primarily help women understand men in the work environment, I wanted to “ignite and unite” both men and women to work together, allowing the differences in our genders to flourish so that our combined strengths could have maximum impact on the people of God’s church (staff and members) and the outward-reaching mission of the church, parachurch and even corporate America. The more effective its people, the more any enterprise is likely to thrive.  And our hope as Christian leaders, of course, is for Christ-centered enterprise and people to be vibrantly healthy and out in front, leading the way.

The Stumbling Block

The hitch, though, is that after eight years of research it is clear that there are some unseen and unintended gender barriers to that goal in every sector of business and ministry.  It costs every sector in dollars … but from a Christian perspective these barriers also act as a drag on the very kingdom purposes that our God-given differences should advance!  These often unseen obstacles can be anything from the simple frustrations that pop up in day-to-day office interactions (“Why does she tell the details instead of getting to the point?”), to major roadblocks that prevent women (including Christian women!) from effectively bringing their vital perspective into the executive suite of a male-dominated Fortune 500 Corporation. Today, 71% of women work outside the home, and while women are powerfully represented in “utility player” roles in ministry and business, they are still rather scarce in leadership.

Why is that?  For our purposes, let’s entirely set aside the specific theological question of women in church leadership, such as in a pastor or elder role.   That is an ongoing debate in other spheres, but it affects a very small percentage of women – while the broader issue affects seven out of every ten.   And my own research and that of others shows that the broader issue is far more related to an internal, unseen disconnect in expectations and perceptions than to any unstated bias.

My study found that the vast majority of men view women as their equals in the workplace today – and thus instinctively expect women to act and react in the same way that men do.  We all are predisposed to subconsciously expect other people to think like us – and when they don’t, we get frustrated, feel uncomfortable or view them as simply “less than savvy.” Further, since we don’t know what we don’t know, we often completely miss or misunderstand what ‘the other half’ is saying or doing.  That dynamic can lead to anything from bewilderment (‘Why on earth does she take professional feedback personally?’) to damaging and often inaccurate perceptions (‘She’s defensive and upset, therefore emotional and not thinking logically’).  By contrast, when both men and women see our God-given wiring as simply different rather than negative, we soon see how that wiring provides great strengths that can be harnessed not only for ourselves, but His kingdom purposes.  And thankfully, believers in particular are well placed to view those created differences with respect – and thus be that much more effective.

Some Sample Factors

Here are a few examples of how the men on my survey tended to view things in the workplace; expectations that will make all of us (especially women) more effective to the degree that we are aware of them:

• The Unwritten Rules of the Workplace.  The male brain works most efficiently at work when he compartmentalizes out feelings and approaches that (in his mind) belong solely in one’s personal world.  This gives rise to a set of unwritten rules and expectations of how things should operate – such as “you shouldn’t really have the same personal feelings at work as you do at home” -- and thus establishes what and who is considered ‘business-savvy’ or ‘high-potential’ if they flow with those rules.  Yet the integrated female brain is usually not designed to automatically fit into those rules; personal feelings, for example, cannot be compartmentalized away.  Yet in the interest of advancing causes she cares about (not to mention her career), a clued-up woman can, if she chooses, decide to not show those personal feelings in a scenario that she now knows a man would find uncomfortable.  As with all these issues, there is no one “right” answer: the key is awareness and the ability to make informed decisions on how to approach male expectations in the workplace.
• How Emotion Can Be Seen as “Not Thinking.”  Unlike the male brain (designed to process one thing at a time, very deeply), the multitasking female brain allows women to process a fairly high degree of emotion and still be thinking clearly at the same time.  Yet since men don’t usually know this (since their brain doesn’t work that way), men view the presence of emotion as meaning that logic has ceased (“Shoot…we are going to have to re-do this meeting later”).  It is powerful once women recognize the need to manage their emotional perceptions, and men see that women’s relatively greater emotional wiring can be a strength rather than the weakness they may have thought.  (For example, that same emotional wiring allows a woman to read body language cues at a much earlier point, have good skills in empathy and listening, and so on.)
• The Power of Respect.  One of my greatest surprises in my research for For Women Only was finding that in their personal relationships men needed respect so much that when faced with a choice, three out of four men would give up love to get it.  Vastly different from how women might view the “male ego,” women are surprised to learn that the same men who look so confident are secretly questioning themselves.  So it is relatively easy for those men to see certain approaches from female colleagues (such as asking “why” questions in a staff meeting) as signals that that person is challenging their judgment.  By contrast, men have an immense amount of gratitude and loyalty for anyone – man or woman – who shows foundational respect in their daily interactions.

Those are just the starting point.  Astute women and men will investigate and embrace the wonderful differences between us as God-given aids to all the members of the Body, working together to advance His purposes in the world.

3 Comments »

1. Great point about the body of Christ. We’re NOT all the same, and understanding that will enable us to properly combat our tendencies to judge another’s methods. Rather than viewing a different approach as wrong or weak, it helps us to consider other ways to deal with challenges, wherever they appear in life, and operate as one body with many parts, allowing the parts best suited by God’s design to flourish where needed.

   Comment by Brian Tolliver - Sep 07, 2010 @ 12:41 AM

2. I think the gender friction in the workplace will always be present, but the mutual goal of achieving the will of God, can conquer all.

   Comment by sell your songs online - Sep 08, 2010 @ 12:12 PM

3. Today, 71% of women work outside the home, and while women are powerfully represented in “utility player” roles in ministry and business, they are still rather scarce in leadership.

   Comment by silver - Oct 19, 2010 @ 11:07 PM

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