Why Leaders Cannot Afford to be Easily Offended

As a leader, you are going to draw fire. People will criticize you. Some will second-guess your decisions. Others will impute motives that aren't there. A few will falsely accuse you.

For example, just a few weeks ago, someone wrote a blog post, publicly calling me a hypocrite. I won't lie: it stung. I was tempted to respond in kind. Thankfully, I didn't.

But that doesn't mean it was easy. It never is for me. I often have to remind myself of three great truths I have learned—and am still learning—about offenses.

1. Offenses are inevitable. Jesus Himself said,
   

   Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes! (Matthew 18:7)

   According to the Dictionary.com, woe means, "grievous distress, affliction, or trouble." Anyone who has been offended understands woe. And, in my experience, it doesn't get much easier with age.

   But as Jesus also notes, offenses must come. People offend us by what they do (sins of commission) and, sometimes, by what they don't do (sins of omission). Either way, life affords us daily opportunities to be offended.

   Note that while offenses may be inevitable, Jesus doesn't let the offender off the hook. They, too, are accountable and will experience their own level of woe.

2. Offenses can be good for us. This is a hard saying. In the midst of being offended, it is difficult to believe that any good could come out of it, let alone that God might have a bigger purpose in mind. But consider two examples from the Bible.

   The patriarch Joseph was ridiculed, kidnapped, and then sold into slavery by his own brothers. He was later falsely accused of attempting to seduce the wife of a high-ranking, Egyptian official. He spent several years in prison, and it was years before he was vindicated.

   He could have been very angry with his brothers. Years later, when he finally meets up with them again, he is in a position of tremendous power. He could easily have had his revenge. Instead, Joseph said to them,

   Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones. (Genesis 50:19–20)

   Or consider King David. In the latter part of his life, he was chased out of Jerusalem by his treasonous son, Absalom. If that weren't bad enough, a character named Shimei meets him on the road and starts throwing rocks at him. He curses the king and reminds him of all his sins. He says,

   Come out! Come out! You bloodthirsty man, you rogue! The LORD has brought upon you all the blood of the house of Saul, in whose place you have reigned; and the LORD has delivered the kingdom into the hand of Absalom your son. So now you are caught in your own evil, because you are a bloodthirsty man! (2 Samuel 16:7, 8)

   Abishai, one of King David's servants, said, "Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? Please, let me go over and take off his head!" But note how David responded:

   Let him alone, and let him curse; for so the LORD has ordered him. It may be that the LORD will look on my affliction, and that the LORD will repay me with good for his cursing this day. (2 Samuel 16:11, 12).

   It's easy to resent those who offend us. But what if God has a deep and important purpose for sending them—something that He intends for our good because He truly loves us (see Romans 8:28).

3. Being offended is a choice. Every leader should memorize this verse:
   

   The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression. (Proverbs 19:11)

   There are certainly times when it is legitimate to be angry. The Apostle Paul says, "Be angry, and do not sin" (Ephesians 4:26). Anger can be a valid response to something that is wrong. But it can quickly become toxic—not only for those to whom we direct it but also for ourselves. This is why the Apostle James admonishes us to be "slow to anger" (James 1:19, 20).

   Between the stimulus and the response is the power to chose. This is precisely what makes us human. We don't have to respond in kind.

The greatest leaders I know are not easily offended. Instead, they practice the habit of overlooking offenses. They take the high road, give the offender the benefit of the doubt, and move on. What about you?

6 Comments »

1. I love this. At the ministry where I work, we often say, “God wants to offend you until you are no longer the offendable.”

   Comment by Jeff Goins - Feb 01, 2011 @ 10:32 AM

2. This is a great truth! I think being easily offended as to do with an issue of being a “people pleaser” I know because I struggle with that!

   Wanting approval=Easily offended

   Comment by Artie Davis - Feb 04, 2011 @ 04:56 AM

3. Helllo,
       I’m a 40 year old female happily married twenty years while watching our heavenly father raise our three children (who are all teens now). Today I stumbled upon this web site and your blog post. Some may say by accident but I believe it was ordained by God himself. Last Sunday our Pastor preached about idols in our lives and at the end of the service we were asked to use the small papers to write down what our idols might be. I wrote “I’m easily offended by others and I choose not to forgive”. We were then asked to walk up to the alter and toss our idol. on stage,  signifying giving it to God. At the time I had no answers how to change myself except to be mindful of my choices and behaivor and be in prayer over it. Its so nice that God sees the little steps we take to pursue him and rewards with confirmation that we are on the right track. Your blog tonight was my confirmation.

   Thank you from South Dakota!!!

   Comment by Andrea - Feb 04, 2011 @ 08:03 PM

4. Great thoughts. It is very easy for me to be defensive and offended a critique. I haven’t arrived, but God has certainly helped me get better at knowing when to respond (with the proper heart and tone) and when to just let things go.

   Comment by Bill LaMorey - Feb 16, 2011 @ 08:00 AM

5. As Beth Moore said in one of her Bible studies: O come and frustrate the hell out of me!!! And don’t we all have some hell in us that needs some frustrating out. The book that has helped me the most in this regard is “Crucified by Christians” by Gene Edwards.
   Our Father knows where we haven’t died to ourselves and he so lovingly and wisely lines up our brothers and sisters in Christ (yes, it’s true) to offend us where we are needing it most because contrary to popular belief God does not owe us a big ministry, or a huge blog following ( I assume the writer of the article has no problem being offended) but what he wants to do in us is to make us more like the Son that he so dearly loves, ie someone who chose the cross, who can turn the other cheek, who can bless altho he’s cursed, who can say Father forgive them, they don’t know what they’re doing.
   That said, it’s so hard to discover that I’m still very much alive and kicking and areas where I thought I died to myself can so easily come back to life again. But then the Word says, pick up your cross “daily”. Ok, with the grace given and always available I’ll try again.

   Comment by Hanlie Lloyd - Feb 17, 2011 @ 04:46 AM

6. Great teaching, its my sincere prayer that many Christians will find this blog and they will be blessed. Most of our problems is due to responses to offenses that are heaped on us. May grace abound to all believers.

   Comment by Ben Ardayfio - Mar 10, 2011 @ 06:25 AM

Sorry, but commenting is no longer available for this post.