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By Jenni Catron
What does it cost us when half the church’s gifts go untapped?
I’ve been wrestling with this question quite a lot lately.
Conversations are stirring in the church world about our inability to engage the 21st century female.
“I don’t know where I fit in the church.”
“I feel like I don’t belong because I’m a single woman and everything the church does is for wives and mothers.”
“I don’t want to just serve in the nursery or kids’ ministry, but I don’t know how to get involved in other ways.”
These are statements that I hear repeatedly.
Before I came on ministry staff full-time, I felt this way too. I wrestled with identifying ways that I could serve using my gifts of leadership and administration. Many of the obvious opportunities to serve weren’t places where I felt comfortable or gifted to serve. So while I served out of obligation, I never felt like I was fully alive in service to God. I remained silent thinking I was simply the unusual one.
The truth is that the majority of the 20- and 30-something women in our churches feel this way too. They may be attending regularly, but they are sitting quietly back out of respect and uncertainty. They wrestle with whether they fit in the church at all anymore.
Carolyn Custis James describes this well in her recent book Half the Church:
But culture shock awaits many women who migrate from the academy or the secular workplace to the church. In the former, opportunities are vast and their contributions valued and pursued. In the church, what they have to offer often goes unnoticed or is restricted to “appropriate” zones within the church.
I believe the church is on the verge of a new crisis: failing to engage the young women in the church.
Today’s modern young woman does not see her place inside the church. Her talents, gifts and God-given calling are walking out of our doors and into the hands of businesses and other non-profits where her gifts are welcomed and celebrated.
Are we as church leaders creating a culture where women feel like their gifts, even those gifts that might stereotypically be thought of as more commonly belonging to men, are welcomed and valued?
My guess is that we want to. We never intended to alienate half of the population, but my fear is that our lack of intentionality is leading to a crisis that could be devastating to those we are called to reach.
Let me challenge you to consider two things:
1) Be aware of culture.
While our job as the church is not necessarily to follow culture, I do believe we’re responsible for being aware of culture and how it impacts reaching and discipling people. Gone are the days where every young woman pines away solely for marriage and children. Yes, they still want those things but they also want an education, a successful career, and a chance to develop their unique identity. Statistics tell us that the average age women get married now is 30 years old. This statistic has changed drastically from even as little as a decade ago. In addition, there are more single women than married women in the U.S. today, and we know that they are more educated than ever before. In light of these statistics, what are you doing differently to connect with today’s young woman? What are these women subconsciously hearing from your church?
2) Be intentional. Create a plan to more actively involve women in ministry.
Young women operate under the assumption that hospitality roles and kids ministry are the only options for them to serve. These are the traditional roles they have seen women serve in all their lives, so they assume that those are still the only acceptable roles.
Will you accept the challenge to communicate a different message to them? Will you show them that the church is eager for them to be a part?
Questions to consider:
• Where do women most visibly serve in your church? The café, the nursery? How about production, on stage, or on leadership teams?
• What percentage of your key leaders are women?
• When do you offer women’s groups and at what times? Are they mostly during the day and targeted to moms? Or do you have evening groups and subjects that connect with professional women and singles? If you are not consciously creating opportunities, you’re subconsciously telling them who you value.
• If you were a single, professional young women would you be able to easily identify where you fit inside your church?
I fear that our lack of awareness of the changing dynamics of today’s young women is creating a chasm between their interest and engagement in the church. Will you consider how your church can reach them better and allow their God-given gifts to thrive for the Kingdom?
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Wow! completely agree and relate. Thank you so much for voicing how many of us feel.
Comment by Mel - Jun 20, 2011 @ 12:26 PM
As a woman in my late thirties it wasn’t until I joined a church in the Evangelical Covenant Denomination did I realize that women could indeed serve in leadership roles in the church. I felt like I had been spiritually abused previous to my Covenant experience. I knew that I felt God’s call to leadership in ministry, but was confused because I felt limited to children’s ministry, etc. I ended up intentionally marrying a man who wanted to be a pastor because the only women I saw who were “allowed” to have a little more leadership within the church were the pastor’s wives. I appreciate this article and am excited to see more women realize that they were equally created in God’s image and that there is room for them in leadership within the church.
Comment by Joey Wasson - Jun 20, 2011 @ 01:30 PM
Jenni, I appreciate you calling out what one of my friends says is, “a well kept secret in the church”. This problem has been around much longer than the younger generation, but I do believe the younger are much more willing to walk to friendlier environments. As a pastor’s wife, I have not been so “allowed” as Joey writes, but have been working for the inclusion of women as I believe this truly reflects the heart of the gospel. All gifts regardless of gender are to be utilized for the Body to be truly healthy, as long as we keep “Half the Church” out of the equation we continue to limp along and are losing a vital part of our young women, which breaks my heart.
Comment by Lori - Jun 20, 2011 @ 02:30 PM
Mel, Joey & Lori - thank you so much for adding to this discussion and affirming the tension that so many women feel. There is so much more that could be said about this issue. I’m grateful that we’re at least beginning the discussion.
Comment by Jenni Catron - Jun 20, 2011 @ 05:50 PM
Great thoughts, Jenni!! I think it can apply to most young people, innvoators and thinkers, but I can see how it would be amplified for the 21st Century female. Equal in so many positions outside the church and pigeonholed into hospitality in the church.
I’m sorry if I, as a male, have contributed to this. it is certainly in my thoughts as I consider my role in the church, whether to pursue seminary or not. I pray that all will live and experience their full calling in the body of Christ. to some was given the gift of pastoring, to others the gift of leading, still others the gift of hospitality.
Comment by douglas - Jun 21, 2011 @ 07:39 AM
Thank you so much Douglas!
Comment by Jenni Catron - Jun 21, 2011 @ 08:27 AM
Jenni - Great thoughts. Very helpful, and I couldn’t agree more!
Comment by Jon Ferguson - Jun 21, 2011 @ 08:34 AM
I can certainly attest to this. In fact, I feel this even more as a professional, 31 year old woman who also happens to be African American. It can be incredibly hard to feel as if the Church has a place for me…because realistically it is not currently set up to embrace and even celebrate diversity- of profession, stage of life, gender and race. I believe that I have to be a part of the solution however. Stay in those environments no matter how uncomfortable and earn the right to be heard. It can be hard but I work hard to stay visible so that maybe those who come after me may not have to feel as uncomfortable and alienated.
Comment by Lindsey - Jun 21, 2011 @ 10:43 AM
I agree with this article, but just as the church can be limiting to women, you are also! This is not just young women. I am in the last half of my 50’s and have been struggling with finding my place. Seems to me you must be married AND have children. When I was divorced, I didn’t fit in. Now I am married, but my kids are long gone (out of the house), so I still don’t fit in. It is slow, but the pastor’s wife is a great advocate for women, in all arena’s.
We need to learn to do life together, with all generations working together.
Comment by jeanelane - Jun 21, 2011 @ 11:57 AM
Thank you so much for your thoughtful writing. I have had similar discussions with many of the single women in my church, and I feel this even more keenly as a single woman who feels called to serve in the church in a vocational way, and yet find that professional roles for women in the church are few and far between. Recently, while talking to a woman about how she got into her full time ministry role she began by saying, “I didn’t take the traditional route,” and I told her I’d discovered there is no traditional route for women, at least not that I’ve discovered. Even churches that ordain women tend to do little to actively create roles for them. As Custis James points out, usually more than half of our congregations are women - why aren’t they represented on our church staffs? I am hopeful for the future of the church, but I’m also often discouraged in the day to day.
Comment by Elise - Jun 22, 2011 @ 12:51 PM
Thanks for talking about this subject. It has been on my heart and mind for some time now too. A book I’m reading: “How I changed my mind about women in leadership - compelling stories from prominent evangelicals” general editor Alan F. Johnson (Zondervan 2010) provides great insight into how we as evangelicals can be so inconsistent in our view of what roles women are “allowed” to have in ministry and there by set aside a huge set of spiritual gifts and talent.
I’m afraid however that change is often slower than it needs to be. Let’s pray that God will move in the church to awaken these under utilized spiritual gifts through the fresh new deployment of our women into active ministry!
Comment by Alex Verdun - Jun 25, 2011 @ 05:52 PM
Elise, praying for you to find your place and thrive!
Alex, I’m gonna have to check that book out. Thanks for referencing it!
Comment by Jenni Catron - Jun 30, 2011 @ 08:16 AM
Hey Jenni, You are so right. I’m 45 and I also feel this way. (despite the positions I’ve held) Don’t think it’s just younger women! My mom feels this way and she’s 66! She’s gone her entire life wondering if there’s a place for her.
I predicted several years ago that the church will lose the next generation of women if it does not change. My generation and my mother’s generation come from more “churched” backgrounds. We suffer silently (well, not in my case!) or just try to get over it. My mom says she’s “used to it” but it still hurts. But younger women who have no church background? Why would they want to be involved in church that denies them the opportunity to use their God - given abilities for God and others???? (even I see the irony of this statement!) Even worse, why would they want to even know a God that gives them gifts then denies that they be able to use them? Sadly, this communicates to many non-Christian women that God does not love them equally….
While we never say these things out loud, it is what is communicated by the actions of the church. It is the message that is received.
Florence Nightingale said it well…“I would have given my hand and my heart to the church but she wouldn’t have it….” She wanted to be a missionary and was denied due to gender. So she became a nurse…..
Let’s not limit half the army of God!
Comment by jan owen - Jun 30, 2011 @ 09:54 AM
I too agree. I’ve been noticing the same thing for quite some time, women that are so pationate to serve. Where God draws attention, he gives passion and compassion. You go girl!
Comment by Heather Conrad - Jun 30, 2011 @ 10:19 AM
Wow. I’ve been pouring my heart out to God about this for a while now. So strange that I can humble myself before a Holy and Almighty God, knowing Him, knowing my place and position, and knowing who I am in Christ, and gender never comes up during our times of fellowship together. But as soon as I take my eyes off of Him, and look at His church, all that I am and all that He has called me to be seems to vanish.
In all the times He has ever called me to do anything, I don’t recall ever replying that I couldn’t do something because I’m a girl, even when it has been to go into gang related environments. I honestly don’t know what God would say if I replied, “I can’t do that because I’m a girl.”, but I can tell you He would not tolerate that response from me at all.
Comment by Lee - Jun 30, 2011 @ 10:47 AM
Interesting article.
I am a 57 yr old man who was saved about 20 yrs ago with no church background.
What I see here, though, is a little of what I see from many in the church - a passiveness about ministry. They sit around wondering ‘where is my ministry’ expecting others to come to them instead of reaching out and saying ‘this is what I would like to do or try’.
I will admit my church experience is limited, and one church I was in was not supportive of any ministry unless it was something the leaders wanted to do and it picked its own leaders, if one has a passion - then go do.
Yes, Scripture does say that women cannot be in certain roles (Pastor, Elder) but one should not see that as a limitation. Because I am divorced, I cannot take on those roles either, but it has not precluded me from engaging in other vibrant ministry both in the church and outside.
Comment by TWPeck - Jul 14, 2011 @ 02:27 AM
Thanks for the consideration! I’m one of the many such female ministry leaders who has left what I call the “man made” church for this very reason. Many male church leaders feel that their calling counts; a female’s calling doesn’t. No, that’s not biblical. I feel they do it for convenience sake only.
I love God and will NEVER leave God’s church, but I look for biblical, evangelistic ministries to serve in. I will never feel obligated again, to attend a church which is made simply for men.
Effecting change for the better is purposeful. If you can be a POSITIVE influencer within such a church, praise be to God. However, if a church will not follow God and encourage all Christ’s followers to be faithful in using their gifts for God, it is best to move on and to find a community which is encouraging discipleship and living for Christ.
Comment by Connie - Jul 14, 2011 @ 03:39 AM
Great article! But this is not new and has been going on as long as I’ve been serving in a church which is over 20 years. I began serving in a church when I was 26. Now at 50, gifted with leadership and faith, I find myself struggling within a body where there is no voice for women. While our male leadership is great, decisions are made at the top levels without any input from women; like a marriage where only one spouse gets to speak. The results of this type of leadership are two-fold: lack of participation by women who do not have school-age children and lack of availability by women who do have school-age children because they are already serving with children.
The church’s culture continues to be male dominated rather than acknowledging the value of a great untapped resource within its women. This type of environment birthed many generations of disillusioned women who quit pursuing God corporately and instead, sat on the pew and watched.
The real trend we are seeing is that women are leaving traditional churches to pursue God wholeheartedly.
Comment by Jamie - Jul 14, 2011 @ 04:21 AM
If you are in ministry (male or female) you really sure try to read this book:
“How I changed my mind about women in leadership: compelling stories from prominent evangelicals” (Stuart and Jill Briscoe, Tony Campolo, Bill and Lynne Hybels, I. Howard Marshall, John and Nancy Ortberg, Cornelius Plantinga)
I’m currently reading it and it’s helpful to see the Biblical texts laid out—the context of those texts—and the reasons why many have decided that it is a great loss for us to limit the roles of women in ministerial leadership. It goes against the overarching themes of the Bible…
I really appreciate the perspectives of prominent evangelicals who traditionally might disagree with women being elders/ pastors/ preachers in the church but they do not. They support them wholeheartedly and aren’t ashamed to say it.
It’s a blessing to see this. I’m a young 32 year old Elder in the church, a pastor who preaches regularly—I preached on a stage last week—the session after Francis Chan—to 8,000 people. The Holy Spirit moved and lives were changed. We are anointed to preach good news and our confidence is found in Christ.
Be encouraged :)
Brooklyn
Comment by Brooklyn Lindsey - Jul 14, 2011 @ 04:42 AM
Great article. I am interested in your thoughts on headship in relation to the topic of women in leadership. How do you work with “difficult” texts such as those found in 1st Timothy? I am embarking into ministry and this is an area that I am closely examining. I am looking forward to your thoughts and any resources you can recommend.
Comment by TL Burt - Jul 14, 2011 @ 04:51 AM
Finally—someone has voiced my concern! We raise educated daughters who feel shut out of leadership in the church (no women on boards and leadership training is often vocalized as finding young men to train) and question whether they belong at all. A book that that resonated with me is Mary Stewart Van Leeuwen’s book, Gender and Grace (available through Amazon).
Comment by Christine - Jul 14, 2011 @ 05:45 AM
Great Article. I think it may differ from church to church though.
You asked, “where do women most visibly serve in your church?” and I would say everywhere for my church.
What I think has happened is that men have stepped back from leadership positions and have come to see church as something that women do and not men. I would say that easily, the majority of people attending our church and leading our church are women.
Because of this we see students leaving the church in High School but girls seem to stick around.
I don’t want you to think I’m against women serving, having women serve in the way they are wired is important in spreading the gospel and edifying the community of believers.
I just think there are two extremes. One makes women feel overlooked and undervalued and the other makes the church feel very feminine. This is what happens when we start from a cultural issue then make changes in the church rather than going from the Bible, then the cultural issue, then the church.
Comment by Jacob - Jul 14, 2011 @ 06:40 AM
Thank you so much for writing this! As a women’s ministry leader in my 30s I’m always trying to keep aware of how to incorporate women of all ages, seasons, backgrounds and giftings. This just reaffirmed what I feel God has called me to do!
Comment by Kim - Jul 14, 2011 @ 06:57 AM
I think you have made some good points. I am a man who has been in ministry for several years and often advocate (sometimes dangerously) for women in all leadership roles inlcuding Senior Pastor. Where I have seen something different than your observation is that the churches I have served have been mostly dominated by women with the men taking a baskseat or “bowing out” of leadership. We have often struggled to balance opportunity for all women while not excluding all men. Both are needed and both have a place in the church. ALL people (male, female, young, old, poor, rich, etc.) should have a place to serve in the local church that suits their gifts and passions. We are working on this in the current church I serve in and we intentionally work at providing everyone access to ALL committees, teams, and professional ministry staff positions. We do not get it right all of the time but we do strive to match people’s passions and callings with service and leadership in the church. To say the least, we are all “works in process” with regards to the Kingdom.
Comment by Brint - Jul 14, 2011 @ 07:53 AM
I do not think women 20-30 are in this boat alone!!!
Many groups within the church could make this same case: singles in general, teens (guys and gals), seniors (who are left with the choir or their Sunday school class), folks who have been through divorce, folks w/ tattoos ;), etc.
Funny we pick the ‘women in leadership card’ as the ‘next crisis’ when it seems the even bigger oversight in churches would be the lack of ‘teens in leadership’ on a bigger scale than their student ministry (since it’s thought by many scholars, that many of the disciples were teens and/or very young adults)!!
It seems the church needs to continue to learn more: grace & truth, as well as, leadership & HUMILITY AND conext and content!!
Comment by Jeff - Jul 14, 2011 @ 08:10 AM
Jenni thank you for your boldness for speaking out. As many have said this is not a new thing and it is not the first time that someone has had the courage to speak it out. Also women are not the only group that could make this claim. Interesting how each group wants to be the “crisis”. Do we really think there is only one? Jenni is correct it is a crisis that women are being blocked and limited in leadership with in the church (although not all churches as a whole). It is also a crisis that many men are abdicating their role of leadership, that teens are drifting and 20-30’s are not being included in meaninful ways and elders are shunted to the side and…
I am a woman, 50 years old, married and with kids and I still face the same issues of not fitting the molds and not having my voice valued because I am this or that. We women do have a God designed voice he calls us to use that voice, just as he does ,men ad all of us. To not use it is to sin for we would be disobedient. Scripture clearly tells us to not cause another to stumble and fall, therefore, we must ALL work to disciple each other into fullness of maturity and obedience to what we are designed uniquely to do. To make disciples is what Jesus calls us to do. We as a whole body of Christ must step back and look at what our individual and corp church is doing asking ourselves are we doing creating disciples? If we are then each group would begin to find its place and experience the impact of its voice being heard. If not, what can we stop doing to make room for creating the discipling culture we are called to be living.
As a Christian Discipleship Coach, I work with women, and men young and old helping them find, embrace and stand into their unique God designed identity, voice and calling. As they learn who they really are they learn to stand stronger in what He calls them to do even when it is counter cultural to the world. Sadly it is the people in church who often limit them most which results in them stepping outside the church walls in order to answer that calling. If church leadership does not notice and move with God following his plans for the indivduals within their body it will die either to change or to attrition. God chooses whom he will, in all aspects of His Body of people, to serve where He wills it. Lets let God be God and function as a whole body with all parts honored and valued.
For those of you that find Jenni’s article resonates describing you regardless of your sex, age, etc. I encourage you to listen to God, seek out those who can help you clarify your unique God design and to step into the work God calls you. Where he calls you to be regardless of the challenges before you. Seek support for what you are called to do even if you must seek it outside the situation. You are not out of choices nor are you powerless. You have Jesus.
Comment by Cathy - Jul 14, 2011 @ 12:00 PM
Cathy, that is a wonderful response to all the comments. Thank you for developing the discussion further.
Comment by Jenni Catron - Jul 14, 2011 @ 03:48 PM
Your article is stirring, but it stirs an enormous frustration!
I am in Aust. I am 35, a lawyer, speak to thousands of lawyers each year, am studying a masters of theology (getting distinctions), have preached on many occasions in the past…,
In my own church, apart from playing Keyboard, the only way I can use my giftings or advance in leadership is:
1. Attend a leadership course; which is only permitted if….
2. Attend a life group - which are only available at times that don’t suit a travelling lawyer with small children.
I have offered to run a life group at an alternative times, but that is not permitted until I’ve completed the leadership course in step 1, which I can’t attend until I attend a life group in step 2.. And the circle continues.
So frustrating that the church would rather have me stay dormant than work towards a solution.. And this is the 2nd church with such a policy. I can’t keep church hopping. I need a miracle.
Comment by Tracy - Jul 18, 2011 @ 02:48 AM
Jenni,
I love this conversation. It takes boldness and courage to say this out loud. We as women take too much time suffering silently thinking we are the only ones feeling this way. And to be honest, it is more than just the 20 -30 year olds that are experiencing the serving out of obligation instead of joy and enthusiasm that our gifts are completely embraced and contributions valued. As a 47 year old woman, it took much prayer and crying out to God to really find a place where I could serve Him in spirit and in truth with complete abandon. I have found a church where women are cherised, gifts embraced and contributions valued. And all with accountability to the vision God has placed over the house and our individual lives.
I believe that women need to continue to have this courageous conversation in church, at home, at work and truly support and encourage each other that we each will find a way to serve God in the body. There are churches out there that understand that without the gifts of the daughters, it will be challenging to do the work of the great commission.
I appreciate you and thank you again for sharing!
Comment by Audrey - Jul 18, 2011 @ 10:19 AM
Perhaps an important first step is to finally admit that the passages evangelicals point to in order to exclude women pastors and elders were not actually written by Paul.
Comment by Jeff Straka - Aug 14, 2011 @ 12:55 PM