Falling from Grace

The phone rang at the respectable hour of 9:00 last Wednesday morning. My husband, Ted, answered and the voice on the other end was hesitant and immediately he detected fear.

"I need to talk to someone. I am really in trouble. I've followed your story and feel that maybe you're someone I can talk to, someone who might understand."

"Okay," my husband replied. "Tell me what's wrong."

The man on the other end proceeded to tell my husband his story. "I am a pastor. I really do love God. I really want to serve him. I can't believe I've messed up like this. I've hurt my wife, my congregation, everyone I truly love. I don't know what the future holds for me. I may have lost everything and everyone I care about. Please help me know what to do. Will I ever be okay again?"

Ted offers him hope and explains to him the process of repentance.

We get calls like this every week, from pastors, worship leaders, evangelists, youth leaders, all types of believers and even nonbelievers. All are looking for a safe place to pour out their hearts, their pain, their shame, and their fears. Most have a secret sin they are battling to overcome or that has been found out. Many have been trapped by a sin they never thought they would succumb to. They have become participants in the unthinkable and they are searching for a way out, a way to get back up again.

My husband understands. He walked through his own version of this scenario a few years ago. I understand. I walked with him and I learned a thing or two along the way.

After the revelation of my husband's entrapment by the sin that "so easily beset him," and his subsequent repentance, I watched a remarkable set of events unfold. Many in the body of Christ donned their "pseudo" righteous robes and picking up stones, began hurling them at my husband. We felt the sting of their stones when we read their blogs, posts and comments in Christian periodicals and caught wind of their whispers. I wondered if there were any who understood, any with wisdom to heal, to gently restore and reconcile. The longer I watched, the more I understood that the story that had unfolded in my husband's life was common to our faith. It was and continues to be a human story of God engaging a son whom He loves.

Recently while speaking at a Catalyst lab session, I asked the crowd to raise their hands if they had sinned since they believed on the Lord. Everyone raised their hands. I then asked any who had struggled with a sin stronghold since becoming a believer to stand up. No one remained seated. As I looked around the room of standing pastors, leaders, and other professing Christians, I asked them, "So what is the big deal about Ted Haggard?" They smiled back at me. They got it.

Now I am not so naïve to discount the "high profile" positions my husband held (the founding and senior pastor of New Life Church, with a congregation of 14,000, and president of the National Association of Evangelicals), and the inherent expectations placed on a leader. But I contend that my husband's sin did not invalidate the power of the gospel and thus embarrass Christians everywhere; it validated it. If we are smart Christians, we will understand this. He is as human as the next person and succumbed to the weakness inherent in his human condition just as the rest of us have. This in no way discounts the sincerity of his faith. In fact, by getting back up and pressing on in faith, Ted has proven to all of us that he believes and values the gospel.

Again, if we are smart, we will understand the power of this story. The gospel is not, nor has it ever been about our righteousness. It is and always has been about a righteousness that comes from God. For this, I am forever grateful.

I have thanked God many times for a front row seat as I've watched the tender mercies of our God at work in a son He loves. I want to be more like God. He is neither shocked nor ruffled by our human struggles and failings. He understands our human condition. This is the point of the gospel. He is the wise Father who gladly and gently reconciles, restores, and receives his sons and daughters who've stumbled or gone astray. He gives his grace courageously and freely.

In countless articles and diatribes my husband has been referred to as a "disgraced pastor" and described as having fallen from grace. I am reminded of Galatians 5:4 where the Apostle Paul clearly defines what it means to fall from grace. He emphatically states, "For if you are trying to make yourselves right with God by keeping the law, you have been cut off from Christ! You have fallen away from God's grace."(New Living Translation) Here Paul appears to be saying it is not the one who stumbles who has fallen from grace, but the one who thinks himself righteous on his own account.

I understand when my husband says he didn't fall from grace; he fell into it.

May we all be so blessed.

6 Comments »

1. More often than not. We are too quick to jump to conclusions and judge others harshly, yet we are too slow to come to the rescue of a suffering soul. We treat “sinners” with contempt as if we never sinned or as we would never fall pray to sin.
   Also, we forget that it is our duty to help others praying for them and bringing them back. We are the only army that kills its wounded. Brother, sister, God is looking down on you giving you a loving and tender smile. Pick yourself up and keep walking.
   Don´t look at me sneering at you as the Romans sneered at Jesus. We Christians think we are perfect. We are not the loving family that God instituted. Sorry sister if brothers foolish like me made you and your husband suffer unnecessarily. God is always looking at you, waiting for your love and praise. Keep loving Him and praising His wonderful name. God is not guilty. We are.
   Blessings,
   @bijoukoba

   Comment by José Rodríguez - May 31, 2011 @ 08:25 AM

2. Who knew?  Who knew that this fall is what God was calling the Haggards for?  I lived in Colorado at the time of Mike Smith coming forward and from a distance caught bits and pieces of your lives.  I saw the documentary on a flight.  I always admire and am in awe of amazing love.  How deeply moving it must be to be able to say, “me too” instead of the chastisement.  I am so glad Ted did not slink into a corner where evil could steal his soul.  Praise Yeshua for giving the family the strength to face one more day.  In order that on this day, I could read this piece of your lives and praise our Abba for loving what peers deemed to messy to reform.  BRING ON THE MESS!  Hallelujah!

   Comment by Dawn - Jun 03, 2011 @ 07:47 PM

3. Good to hear your voice Ms.Gayle. Admire & support your stand. Miss you & Pastor Ted & blessed that you both are allowing the Lord to continue to rule in your lives. May we all fall into grace.

   Comment by Diana Alexander - Jun 04, 2011 @ 07:27 AM

4. This story brought tears into my eyes…..i bowed my head and once again say, “Lord, let me always fall into your grace”. i wish all pastors and church leaders read this!!!

   Comment by Francis Akeredolu - Jun 15, 2011 @ 03:46 AM

5. It has been a great recovery by great people of God. I love the Haggard’s!  They are of the most humble people I have ever had the honor of meeting. Greater things are yet to come!

   Comment by Shawn Hennessy - Jun 16, 2011 @ 11:58 AM

6. Wow! An amazing revelation to me this morning, that the real fall from grace is falling into self righteousness - and that grace is the net that catches and restores. I feel such a love for you both whom I have not yet met face to face. I can touch through your words the love of God. You are windows of light and understanding and will be so to countless people. I think the most powerful time of your ministry together has just begun.

   Comment by Walter Schwarz - Jun 17, 2011 @ 06:43 AM

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