One Decision from Stupid

He found himself alone in his study with what some would call a very hot young lady.  Mary came to her pastor to inform him of some inappropriate behavior she had experienced from someone in the congregation.  The room became hot as she described her concern.  However, something just wasn’t right.  Mary then shifted the conversation: “Pastor, do you find me attractive (pause)?

With much resolve he replied, “Mary, if I said and did what you wanted me to say and do right now, we both might be gratified in the short run. However, when I consider what that would do to this church, to my parents, to my children, my wife, and to my God I can’t bear to consider the consequences; so this counseling session is over and it will be our last one: ever.”

As she walked out the door, however, as he thought to himself about what could have happened in that room, he thought: “I think I just experienced the most difficult and the most triumphant 5 minutes of my life. I could’ve done something stupid; but I didn’t.”

Let’s face it: we are all just one decision from stupid. Too many leaders are falling short and falling out, simply because they invest all of their energy into ministry and fail to take care of, and protect themselves. This tendency to neglect oneself and neglect boundaries always ends up in fatigue, depression, stress, and burnout. If not tended to or reversed, all of this will eventually lead to inappropriate relationships, and addictions.

At churchplanters.com one of our five Leadership Best Practices is something called: “Nurture Vitality.” We talk a lot about paying attention to, caring, feeding our mind, body, spirit, and vital relationships. The good news is that we are seeing leaders everywhere who are winning when it comes to their own health and vital relationships. So how can we know if we are winning or losing? Here are some practical questions you need to give serious consideration to:

1)    What is the real condition of my prayer life and study of God’s Word for other than the messages I teach?
2)    Is there anyone in my life that has permission to ask me the hard questions and are those questions being asked regularly?
3)    Do I have accountability software on my computer that keeps me off sites I don’t need to be on?
4)    Do I take a weekly Sabbath? If so, what makes it holy?
5)    Do I eat properly, exercise regularly, and get proper rest?
6)    Am I spending consistent quality time with my spouse and children? Would my spouse and children agree? 
7)    Do I have a hobby/interest I’m passionate about outside of ministry that recharges me emotionally?
8)    Do I spend formal and informal time with other ministry leaders who are winning at the nurturing their own vitality to learn from them?

We are observing and learning that those who have the best quality of life and the greatest impact begin by paying close attention to, and lots of time on, nurturing their own vitality.  Our desire at churchplanters.com is to give pastors “permission” to back-off the throttle and enjoy the adventure of greater ministry impact.  Nurturing our own spiritual vitality is our first and most important responsibility.  We can’t lead others until we lead ourselves.

Get Churchplanter’s Conference tickets for only $99 (it’s currently $129 and will be $159 on Feb 1st) by registering here use Discount Code: Acts1.

4 Comments »

1. Great article! As I read through the list of questions, #2 makes me wonder what “the hard questions” are. Does anyone have such a list?

   Comment by Andy Wittwer - Jan 06, 2010 @ 11:14 AM

2. Andy, I imagine the hard questions would vary based upon the areas you find challenging.  Here are some of my thoughts on some examples:

   1. Did you lust in your mind over a woman today? 
   2. Are you up to date on your tithe?
   3. Did you pray today?  What did you hear?
   4. Have you been a good husband today?
   5. Did you answer all of the above questions truthfully?  ...If not, let’s start over.

   Comment by Terence - Jan 06, 2010 @ 05:47 PM

3. I like this list of “hard questions”, especially Wesley’s. http://blogs.lifeway.com/blog/edstetzer/2008/05/accountability-questions.html

   Comment by Herb Halstead - Jan 07, 2010 @ 09:42 AM

4. Great article. 23 years ago a young attractive woman came to my office for counseling. It was late and no one else was at the church. Almost the identical situation transpired and as I opened the door for her to leave, I hesitated, faltered and the ensuing affair lasted over a year. I cannot tell you the hellish strain of living a double life, hiding, lying, and cheating. Eventually, by the grace of God, the sin came to light and public humiliation followed. My wife, though deeply wounded, stayed with me and fought to rebuild our life. The devil had me convinced I could never serve the Lord gain and I believed it for 3 years. One day after hearing a timely, God inspired message on the Prodigal son, I returned to the Father, was restored and have seen more fruit in the last 20 years than I had ever known before.
     Young Pastors (and old) be careful. Guard well what you have been given charge over. To those of you have made the mistake or are thinking about it, heed the advise I was given by a close friend (and did not follow) Tell your wife. If you suspect you are being admired by another woman, tell your wife! She will know what to do!
     God bless you and thank you for this very helpful resource.

   Comment by Tom - Jan 15, 2010 @ 03:11 PM

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