You Can't Love Jesus and Hate His Wife

Get this.

I'm standing in a reception line with my wife following a speaking engagement when this guy comes up to me and starts telling me how he's read all my books, has heard me speak on several occasions and told me how influential I've been to his ministry. (Please, go on!)

He talks about how he's introduced a number of his pastor friends to all things Stetzer and how they actually traveled across country to be at this event. Wow!

But then, he starts verbally ripping on my wife like she's not even standing there. She's right there! He thinks my wife, who has been the love of my life and a partner in ministry for 25 years, is a drain on my ability to influence others. He says she's obsolete and that the "old girl is a little faded."

I'm in shock.

Suddenly, the cheesy Christian motto of the 1990s flashes through my mind: What would Jesus do? Turn the other cheek? Pray for His enemy? Hand this guy His cloak?

I'm about to go Jack Bauer on him.

I think Jesus would have been ticked - like any normal husband would be. You see, the church is the Bride of Christ. And, you don't mess with a man's wife.

The story about my wife is made up. The reality of what professing believers of Christ do to and what they say about His bride - the church - is not. And it is exponentially more serious than saying my wife is "a little faded." (And I would take that pretty seriously!).

You cannot say you love Jesus and abuse His wife.

Unfortunately, there is a prevailing wind currently blowing across Western Evangelicalism that has caused an ecclesiological (church) drift into dangerous waters. Research stalwart George Barna documented the trend in a longitudinal study released in 2005. One alarming element of the study showed that 70 percent of respondents found their primary means of spiritual expression through the local church in 2000, but by 2025 he predicts those numbers to decrease by at least half. Did you get that? Now, I have some quibbles about the numbers and more about the theology. But, if Barna is right, in less than 20 years, only 30-35 people out of 100 will believe that the church holds a primary significance in their relationship with Christ. That's stunning for someone who loves the church (like I do).

We were surprised that in our recent research on young adult dropouts, the most common reasons young adults dropped out of church were lifestyle reasons. They got too busy, moved too far away, or experienced some other life change. And the church did not make the new list of priorities. Nice.

My question is how can anyone give even a cursory read of the New Testament and miss the supreme importance given to the church by the One who is most Supreme? Paul says that we were once "alienated and hostile in mind because of [our] evil actions. But now He has reconciled [us] by His physical body through His death, to present [us] holy, faultless and blameless before Him." Paul goes on to say that he rejoices in his suffering because his suffering is "completing in [his] flesh what is lacking in Christ's afflictions for His body, that is, the church." (Colossians 1:21-24 HCSB)

Paul was willing to take a beating for the church because Jesus submitted to a brutal murder "to make her (the church) holy, cleansing her in the washing of water by the word. He did this to present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but holy and blameless." (Ephesians 5:26-27 HCSB)

Seems like fewer and fewer people are willing to take the church seriously, let alone take a beating for her.

Just in these two key passages Paul teaches that Jesus - who clearly founded the church (Matthew 16:18) - suffered the physical brutality of God's righteous retribution against our spiritual rebellion in order to present an intentionally gathered people - His church - into His presence through His holiness.

Can I get an "Amen"? (Cue the crickets.)

Today's collective church made up of thousands of local churches is so distracted by anger at each other: emerging churches are mad at mega-churches; contemporary churches are mad at traditional churches; Arminian churches are mad Calvinistic churches; et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. There are of course exceptions and I'm making an overarching statement that unfortunately is becoming truer by the day. On a daily basis, we witness the attack blogs where we can attack other churches like the pajamahadeen: sitting in pajamas, not reaching anyone, but being an expert on how everyone else is wrong.

And, let me say here, I have some concerns about how some churches operate - but I have tried to focus on how to help and not how to destroy.

Is it any wonder that Barna identifies a dramatic increase in alternative faith communities in his study? Alarmingly there is a significant group of men and women leaving the church but holding to a form of Christian devotion. Wrong answer! But, I think Barna is right about the reasons why - people have tired of the frequently lifeless gatherings we call churches.

Okay, those of you whose resting pulse rate just shot to 140 over that last statement, go to the kitchen, open the drawer, and pull out a brown paper sack. Now breathe into it, taking long slow breaths. Before you hit "send" on that e-mail, stay with me here because it is not a secular culture that is tarnishing the image of the church. Look back in your Bible. "The forces of Hades will not stand against it." (Matthew 16:18 HCSB) If the best that hell has can't deliver a crushing blow, secular culture is small time in comparison.

But here's the deal. Christians - not humanists - are rendering the church powerless by cutting the heart out of the gospel's transformative power. We (Christians) say by our actions that the work of Christ is not sufficient to heal infidelity, unhealthy dependencies, depression, relationships, and everything else that reveals there is little moral distinction between those in the church and our secular counterparts outside of church. Or, we neuter the gospel by being so orthodox in doctrine that in our piety we conveniently stuff the book of James through a paper shredder.

James Emery White writes in his book, Serious Times, that "Christ followers are notorious for being dismissive of the church, as if it were a disposable institution created by human beings..."¹

How do we right the severely listing - remember it was already drifting - ship we're sailing? Quickly, the sky is falling. What's the answer? What's the answer?

Church. (Duh!) Dig out those Bibles again and camp in Ephesians for a while. Root through chapter three. Paul says that the multi-faceted wisdom of God may now be made known through the church. What's included in that multi-faceted wisdom? "The incalculable riches of the Messiah, and [the shedding of] light for all about the administration of the mystery hidden for ages in God who created all things." (HCSB)

Isn't it ironic that the very remedy for our sinking, drifting Christianity is found in the very institution we are walking away from, weakening and marginalizing? We have the institution through which the Risen Christ plans to capture the hearts of rebellious men yet we scamper here and there after some wispy spiritual experience. Amazing.

White also says

We do not live and breathe in a neutral environment but in the midst of a hostile conflict, and we are behind enemy lines. The god of this world has been named, and he is ensconced firmly on his throne. There is only one domain beyond his control that stands in the way of total dominion: the body of Christ. As a result, the church is under constant assault, for it stands alone against the night. It demands constant reinforcement and steadfast commitment. The church is not simply the vanguard of kingdom advance; it is the entire assault force. According to Jesus' words, the church is not only to take a stand against evil but also to stage a frontal attack.²

Now, let me say that the church is not the center of God's plan. Jesus is. But, the church is central to God's plan. Jesus places the church in a position of great importance.

Now, it does not matter if a church meets in a cathedral or a coffee shop, but the church does matter. (If this is still fuzzy, start in Matthew, read through Revelation and repeat as many times as necessary until cured of deficient ecclesiology.) But hey, I'm more than just a prophet of doom. We all have to figure out how to love a church, a Bride, that everyone agrees needs a little work. Let me make a few suggestions on how we can be a better bride.

First, let's drop the focus on personal transformation and clue in to Gospel transformation. You can "be a better you" all you want to, it doesn't get you any closer to being more Christ-like. If preaching is going to pierce complacency; if we are going to grow in holiness; if churches are going to positively impact culture, it will come through the gospel of Jesus. Remember that He said "when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself" (John 12:32 HCSB) and Paul said he preached "Christ crucified" (1 Corinthians 1:23), the power and wisdom of God. Make it your goal to help the people in your local congregation/gathering/whatever be transformed by the Gospel.

Next, and closely related, is making the destination of sermons and conversations the Gospel. It is good to be practical, but five steps to a healthier financial situation are worthless if our finances are not brought under the lordship of Jesus Christ. The vision for your church; is it practical? Great. But, does it point to the lordship of Jesus Christ? Ensure that the discipleship and spiritual formation of people guides them to submission to the lordship of Jesus Christ and not just being better people. Oprah and Dr. Phil can do the latter; only the Gospel can do the former.

Third, shake loose of the hero complex. If you need help, here's a hint: there's only one God and you ain't Him. If you think you're special, better stop and evaluate which kingdom's construction site you're working.

Finally, focus on the cross. Remember all that the church is prepared to be - "without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but holy and blameless" - was bought on the cross. That's the fulcrum of redemptive history. Lose the cross and you will soil the bride.

If you claim to be a disciple of Jesus, then love his wife. Don't be guilty of going to great lengths to show your love for Christ while ignoring, marginalizing, or attacking the Bride.

You can't love Jesus and hate His wife.

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