You Lost Me

Disconnection, Explained

We were looking for a single "smoking gun." Instead, we found many. I suspected that our investigation would uncover one big reason that young adults disconnect from the church or walk away from their faith-maybe two or three. I expected we would find, for instance, that going away to college is a faith killer-but it turns out that's just not the case for most young people.

Instead of one or two "biggies," we discovered a wide range of perspectives, frustrations, and disillusionments that compel twenty some things to disconnect. No single reason pushes a majority of young adults to drop out. Each person has his or her own set of unique and mundane reasons-that is, both deeply personal and rather pedestrian. Yet the everydayness of these reasons does not make them unimportant or uninteresting. Every nomad, prodigal, and exile has a story. And as we have observed before, every story matters.

While we explore the reasons many young adults disconnect, keep in mind that our research examines primarily their perceptions of what's gone wrong. Research is not infallible and it requires interpretation. Most people are not fully cognizant of what, exactly, causes them to leave church or faith, and part of our job as researchers is to analyze all the responses and look for themes to emerge. In doing so, we use not only our professional expertise but also our spiritual discernment. Part 2 is the result of our best efforts to identify the reasons young people disconnect and our humble recommendations for some ways the body of Christ can respond in love and on mission.

Identifying Disconnection

In sifting through our research findings and individual stories, we were able to identify six themes that capture the overall phenomenon of disconnection between the next generation and the church. I want to reiterate that people in every generation may experience similar feelings. However, the combination of our cultural moment and the discontinuity of the next generation, explored in Part 1, make these attitudes among young adults particularly combustible. Many twenty some things are not hesitating, as have previous generations, to burn the bridges that once connected them to their spiritual heritage.

Here are the broad reasons they offer for dropping out. They find the church to be:

1. Overprotective. The impulses toward creativity and cultural engagement are some of the defining characteristics of the Mosaic generation that are most obvious. They want to re-imagine, re-create, rethink, and they want to be entrepreneurs, innovators, starters. To Mosaics, creative expression is of inestimable value. The church is seen as a creativity killer where risk taking and being involved in culture are anathema. How can the church peel back the tamper-resistant safety seal, making space for imaginative risk taking and creative self-expression, traits that are so valued within the next generation?

2. Shallow. Among Mosaics, the most common perception of churches is that they are boring. Easy platitudes, proof texting, and formulaic slogans have anesthetized many young adults, leaving them with no idea of the gravity and power of following Christ. Few young Christians can coherently connect their faith with their gifts, abilities, and passions. In other words, the Christianity they received does not give them a sense of calling. How can the church nurture a deep, holistic faith in Christ that encompasses every area of life?

3. Antiscience. Many young Christians have come to the conclusion that faith and science are incompatible. Yet they see the mostly helpful role science plays in the world they inhabit-in medicine, personal technology, travel, care of the natural world, and other areas. What's more, science seems accessible in a way that the church does not; science appears to welcome questions and skepticism, while matters of faith seem impenetrable. How can the Christian community help the next generation interact with science positively and prophetically?

4. Repressive. Religious rules-particularly sexual mores-feel stifling to the individualist mindset of young adults. Consequently they perceive the church as repressive. Sexuality creates deep challenges for the faith development of young people. How can the church contextualize its approach to sexuality and culture within a broader vision of restored relationships?

5. Exclusive. Although there are limits to what this generation will accept and whom they will embrace, they have been shaped by a culture that esteems open-mindedness, tolerance, and acceptance. Thus Christianity's claims to exclusivity are a hard sell. They want to find areas of common ground, even if that means glossing over real differences. How can the Christian community link the singular nature of Christ with the radical ways in which he pursued and included outsiders?

6. Doubtless. Young Christians (and former Christians too) say the church is not a place that allows them to express doubts. They do not feel safe admitting that faith doesn't always make sense. In addition, many feel that the church's response to doubt is trivial and fact focused, as if people can be talked out of doubting. How can the Christian community help this generation face their doubts squarely and integrate their questions into a robust life of faith?

The Turn toward Connection

Once we begin to understand the problems the next generation experiences with the church and Christianity, our second task is to determine how these areas of disconnect are challenging the Christian community to change. Are there ways in which the struggles of the next generation ought to shift our thinking and practice? If we ignore or discount the spiritual journeys of the young, could we be at risk of missing a fresh move of God in our time?

The Spirit-inspired interplay between generations is a common theme in Scripture. As one example, consider the story of Eli (the older generation) and Samuel (the younger generation) described in 1 Samuel 3. You may recall the episode. In the middle of the night, God calls to Samuel, but the young prophet-in-training repeatedly mistakes God's call for the voice of his mentor, Eli. Finally it occurs to Eli, after Samuel has interrupted his sleep several times, to instruct his protégé to say, "Speak, Lord, your servant is listening."

Once I heard present-day leader Jack Hayford observe that the younger generation needs the older generation to help them identify the voice of God, just as Samuel needed Eli to help him know God was calling him. Hayford also observed that helping in this way requires that we recognize, as Eli did, that God is speaking to the younger generation.

If you are a younger Christian, this means it's your turn to listen.

If you are a "well-established" believer, maybe it's time to trust in a deeper way the work of God within the next generation.

My hope is that You Lost Me can, in some way, catalyze this vital dynamic between generations. Each Chapter in Part 2 explores one of the six broad reasons Mosaics give for disconnecting from church or the faith. Toward the end of each chapter, I offer "the turn"-some suggestions to help young dropouts turn their reason for leaving into a hunger for deeper faith, and to help us in the church's older generations turn our frustrations and occasional feelings of failure into renewal.

Let's examine the six areas of disconnection, starting with the perception that the church is overprotective, more concerned with safety than its mission to transform the world.

 

4 Comments »

1. I am looking forward to reading the book. Got to hear just a snippet of this at Catalyst but time must have run out for Mr. Kinnaman. Being a Director of Children’s ministry and a mother of two teenagers, one in college and one a high school senior these issues are facing me head on. Looking forward to how I can Be Present in the lives of the young people in our community.

   Comment by Sue Bishop - Oct 19, 2011 @ 11:51 AM

2. Very good assessment of where the Mosaics are. I agree with all of them. However,
   Nos. 4 and 5 are the most worrisome as far as answers without Scriptural compromise. I don’t see how we can be any “less repressive’ on the sexual component or on “more than one way to salvation/sanctification’. Jesus is most clear
   on these two subjects and therefore, I would love to see your suggestions.

   Comment by pete d - Oct 19, 2011 @ 12:02 PM

3. Excellent summary of some key issues which cause some young people to move away from the church. Several of these issues boil down to the Church offering an inauthentic, Sunday Morning Only, faith. Many young people cannot clearly see how these Sunday Morning Things apply to the rest of life, so choose to edit out that Sunday Morning section. It must be taught by example, especially in the home, that God wants us to involve His presence in every area of life

   Also, young people want to use their unique set of creative skills. If you tell a young person to put their talent, energy, creativity in a box and only take it out when it’s convenient and helpful to the church leaders…they will choose to use their talents elsewhere.

   This generation longs for freedom, especially in a sexuality without guilt or shame. It must be emphasized that true freedom is found by following God wholeheartedly.

   Comment by ina - Oct 19, 2011 @ 11:25 PM

4. For me Church is the answer. Thanks for this full description, i’m interested about it, I found it on Amazon. I like it’s blue and white book cover. It has a simple an beautiful design.

   Comment by Stiri Prahova - Oct 28, 2011 @ 07:27 AM

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